The new DCS Lineup

Well, it's been almost a year since my last post and boy have things changed around here. Check out the new DCS lineup!!

Joe
aka: Big Boss, Captain Flat Top
Likes: Going to see dragon movies with his daughter, Coca-Cola classic, watching car shows, reading about cars, and detailing cars, bar-b-queing with his neighbors, house work
Dislikes: stories about snot, power clapping, dating






Chris
aka: Little Boss, The Ruiner
Likes: Teaching daughter to power clap, finding peoples physical flaws and giving them a nickname that highlights said flaw, telling people "no", giving me a hard time, Gary Stories
Dislikes: People who don't put in a work order, frequent tardiness, getting squirrel gifts, murder





Jason
aka: Lemon Head, Kitten, Tiger, Chicken Sandwich
Likes: Nine Inch Nails, turkey burgers, hippie girls, LOST, 80's nights, long relationships that go nowhere
Dislikes: migranes, being called kitten, being tied down, beef







Jenny
aka: The Interupter
Likes: celebrity gossip, Jesus, Dan Zettwoch, power clapping, fad diets, and pretty much anything for a week
Dislikes: getting guilted, pee on the toilet seat, hugging and crying at work, seeing co-workers legs, wedding planning






Richard
aka: The Vapor
Likes: Gigantic Headphones, architecture, big words, long leisurely breakfasts, soccer, art, and pesto
Dislikes: Haircuts and idiots







Denny
aka: The Illustrator
Likes: Makin' stuff, drawing, taking walks at lunch, the Grateful Dead, his family
Dislikes: Oppression, dresscode







John
aka: Shmitty, The Opposer
Likes: Wasabi Peanuts, gross food, disagreeing, photography, photoshop, good tunes, going to lunch
Dislikes: last minute requests, people touching his stuff and/or not putting it back where it goes, agreeing with anything






HONORARY MEMBERS

Sam
aka: uh...sam
Likes: Her dog, Carrie Underwood, having a good time, running, taking care o' herself, coffee and hot chocolate, being single
Dislikes: old boyfriends, trying to sell houses, stressss!







Nicole
aka: yet to be determined
Likes: Jim from the Office, LOST, HOw I Met Your Mother, Napoleon Dynamite - basically watching tv, costume parties, kickball, razzing people
Dislikes: The Bachelor, disorder (I'm sure there's more but she hasn't been here that long)





The Dog
Likes: Barking, walking, wearing his pig costume
Dislikes: Low batteries, being dropped and stepped on, mechanical cats








People who have nothing to do with DCS, but everything to do with me and are essential charachters in much of my story-telling.

Dan
aka: Sweet Dan
Likes: Me, Amy, the cats, good old-fashioned fun, alternative comics, eating food, hard-core punk, hard work, coffee, being helpful
Dislikes: being away from me






Amy
aka: my roomate amy
Likes: Expensive purses, Marley the dog, nephews, drinking beer and actin' a fool, folding laundry, crime documentaries, bossing, sleeping
Dislikes: doing dishes, being guilted, being lonely, calling customer service people, people she thinks are stupid

Magnatious

WELCOME MAGGIE!!! I don't have a picture of her yet, so this will have to do.

Maggie loves horses, her kids, her husband, her dog, having one inch of dark roots, Elvis Costello, the Ramones, Coke (regular - NOT DIET), sweet stuff, paper samples, new york, photography, painting, rats - yes, rats, and most of all she loves staring at my amazing profile all day long.


Stupid comment of the day: There's this security gaurd that hangs around downstairs and tells Sweet Dan different ways that he could capitalize on his incredible talent. Today he suggested that Dan learn how to draw exact replicas of US dollars because technically it's not counterfeit if you don't use a copy machine.

A New Era

It's the dawn of a new era here at DCS. My two ladies have have left. First Nikole, and now my sweet Ettiquator - AJ. sigh. I'm the last lady standing.
Here's a list of the things I will miss about dear AJ:
I'll miss her whisper shouting when she tries to either re-enact an actual shouting incident, or one she would like to happen.
I'll miss the way she holds her little tupperware dish of rice and chicken 2 inches away from her mouth as she dishes stuff in.
I'll miss the jingle of her lipsmackers necklace hit her namebadge as she walked down the hall.
I'll miss her relentless committment to working out while she works.
Her silent panic attacks.
Her moral high ground.
Short pants.
Her love of disgusting foreign foods.
Swapping 3rd floor bathroom horror stories.
Her patience for my ways which I'm sure drove her crazy deep down inside.
And so many other things that no one will ever be able to replace!!!

Normal or Nuts??

Today’s lunchtime conversation centered around a Reader’s Digest article entitled Normal or Nuts? Test Yourself. It included several reader submitted rants about their own bizarre tendencies which were then evaluated by the experts who deemed weather said tendency was actually a symptom of insanity or just a lame idiosyncrasy. The only one I could relate to was a blurb about being unable to comfortably walk next to strangers. I always have to adjust my pace to sprint ahead or fall behind them. Apparently that’s normal. What ISN’T normal though is Lemonhead’s empathy for spoons. Yes. That’s right. He can’t choose one spoon for his supper without feeling bad for all the spoons that don’t get to accompany him to Tofu Town (or whatever other organic destination he has in mind.) After his heart wrenching decision, he even apologizes to the other little guys! AND it’s not just spoons. It’s pretty much any inanimate object.

So, what did the experts have to say about this?? Well, one expert implied that he must be a “wounded soul” who developed an excessive sensitivity for anything that has been neglected or omitted. (Maybe he was picked last for kickball one too many times?)
Another guy called Jason a Narcissist!! Who does he think he is that any spoon would even want to go near his mouth?! Another guy argues that this all stems from general indecisiveness. I don’t know about that. I mean, I have a hard time deciding what to wear in the morning, but I don’t ask forgiveness from the 5 shirts I tried on and didn’t choose. I don’t even hang them up and put them back in their cozy closet house with their friends. I just throw them on the floor! Then I step on em! Then I tell them how ugly they are and that I never wanted them in the first place and that my mother MADE me get them! FROM TALBOTS!!! I don’t feel sorry for them one bit! (Sigh)….Anyways. The last specialist says that Lemonheads behavior is completely normal….for a 4 year old.

So there you have it. Lemonhead is a Super-Sensitive, Narcissistic, and emotionally immature psychopath. Don’t cry about it, Lemonhead. I’d have to give you one of my tissues and the rest of the box would get jealous.

Quote of the day:
"Are you just going to walk by that chair and not say Hello?" - me to Lemonhead about 5 minutes after hearing about his "issue"

A sick winter Jenny is an ugly ugly site

I'm sick and I hate it. I don't even know where it came from! Wednesday night while walking to my car I noticed that my throat felt a little scratchy, 2 hours later I had tissued crammed up my nose and by the next morning I had 2 lbs of mucus sitting between my eyeballs like a brick! I'm bored out of my mind but have no energy to do anything. I'd sleep, but since I can't breathe out of my nose, I have to leave my mouth hanging open which not only results in a Druel Bath, but it somehow, at the same time, dries your mouth and lips out to a desert like state, which in turn leads to a sore throat, so I go through this cycle of sleep-druel all over-dry mouth-lips crack-wake up in puddle of druel with sore throat - roll over - which opens the floodgates in my nose releasing an hours worth of built up "fluid" - sit up and blow nose - drink water - realize I have to pee.....again - fight the urge to get up an go for 10 minutes - realize am losing battle - get up - stub toe on random item on the floor - curse item - go to bathroom - flush toilet - toilet acts like it will flush but quits halfway through - curse toilet -flush again holding handle until it's officially down - go back to room - step on hanger that I have refused to pick up for 3 days - curse hanger - lay down - repeat.

I don't know why I am sick again...I feel like I just had this. And I really never get sick. Maybe it's because I'm so malnourished. Amy swears we're getting the scurvy.

AJ meets a S'more

SO, AJ, being the only woman over 5 who had never experiences the power of a S'more, orchestrated a little lunch time outing for us all at Forest Park. Fun was had by all. Here is a glimpse.







I can't believe how fat my face is.

It Came From the Womens' Bathroom!!

So, I know it's been awhile since I've blogged about an incident in the womens bathroom, but I figured it had all been said....until last Friday.

Since I don't drink even a fraction of enough liquids throught the day, I only make it to the restroom maybe once a day. I try to hold it until I can't hardly stand it because if I don't and there's someone in there fixing there hair or reapplying their make-up in dead silence I'm sure to get stage fright. I sit and NOTHING. So I flush the empty toilet and leave - unrelived. But this is all besides the point. - Last friday walked into the "Ladies" (I use this very loosely) room and was nearly knocked to my knees by an unholy stench. But, since I had been holding it to the point of no return, I just held my breath and went to stall #1. "WHAT!!!" I couldn't believe it. I had seen that splatter before along the back of the seat, but this time it was different. This time- it was brown!!!! I rolled my eyes and went to #2 (no pun intended). I then ran back to the office and shared the news with AJ who was equally disgusted. We laughed and accused our usual suspects.

Then - 20 minutes later I recieve this email from AJ:
"I've just returned from the ladies'. And I think I can top you."
Someone had literally sh*t on the floor in Stall #3."

WHAT!?! NO WAY!

I have to ask. I find AJ down the hall and make her spill. Yes....It was true. Someone left a lonely little terdlit sitting on the floor next to the toilet. How did this happen??? I mean, the mechanics of it! Even if it was a Hoverer, they're hover skills would have had to been dramatically off. Were they drunk?? Were they crazy??? Who keeps doing crap like this??!!!!

"This I've got to see!" I shout. "No, Jenny. It's too late. It's been taken care of." No. NO. she couldn't have. " I had to!" She shouts. "There were other people in there!! They would have thought I did it!!"

I am speechless.