IS THIS A JOKE?!?!? a really bad tasteless joke!!?!?!?!

Okay....you have GOT to be kidding me......I cannot BELIEVE that something of this caliber has happened at a place of business!!! I mean...has our bathroom ettiquite gotten so bad here that we can no longer distinguish our bathroom from that of a gas-station lavatory??? And I'm not talking about the nice QT bathrooms. I'm talking about one of those quickstop stations in the middle of NO WHERE that you have to go up to the cashier and ask for the key. Then the man with no teeth hands you a hubcap with a bobby-pin attached to it and says "good luck".

So-i go into my sweet little stall #1 and find it molested.....again. And this time..it's WORSE. Women are DISCUSTING. Im sitting there, minding my own business and I glance to my right....and WHAT DO I SEE??????? BLOOD!!!! BLOOD ON THE WALL PEOPLE!!!!!! UGH!!!!!! SERIOUSLY....the toilet paper was RIGHT THERE!!!!!! I mean what was this person thinking?!?!?!? What weird train of thought lead to "Ah....the wall!!! That's a perfect place to wipe this!!" I'm pissed!!!! Whoever keeps doing this crap is now my NEMISIS!!!! look out!

Stupid comment of the day: Whoever said: "Ah....the wall!!! That's a perfect place to wipe this!!"

the bathroom is not your boardroom

Okay...Another Bathroom blunder I must expose. But Before I go off on my tangent about appropriate bathroom etiquite, you'll need a little background info. By the time I actually peel myself from my chair and head down the mile long hallway to the "ladie's room" I've already been holding it for atleast a few hours. So I hope you can understand that when I make it down there and encounter some terrible scene of innapropriateness, not only am I aggrevated.......but I HAVE GOT TO GO!!!!!!

So..the other day I run/walk down to the bathroom, swing open the door...and what do I find?!?!?!?!?! Two ladies who shall remain nameless HAVING A MEETING IN THE BATHROOM!!!!!!!!!! There's so much to say about this.. I mean how did this meeting come about??? Did they plan it???? Did they peek under the stall and recognize one-anothers shoes and innitate a convo????? I can't answer any of those questions...all I know is I had to pee and they were standing right there in the middle of the bathroom talking business...BLOCKING MY FAVORITE STALL!!!!! So I had no choice but to go to the stall I hate!! THE Giant and intimidating stall #3. ARGH!!!!!!!!!! Then ofcourse I had to deal with "stage fright" until they finally took their meeting where it belongs....ANYWHERE BUT THE BATHROOM!!!!!!!

In other news. Incase you didn't already know, JJ and I are offical. There....I said it. Now leave me alone.

The FUNNIEST COMMENT EVER MADE goes to: Little BOSS!!!!!!! Yesterday when LB, Lemonhead and myself were walking to our cars, Lemonhead noticed a leaf sitting atop LB's Head. when we pointed it out, he said in a child like voice "Hey!! Leaf me alone!!!!!" HAHAHhahahhaHAHAHAH the funniest thing ever. .....i guess you had to be there.

The stupid comment of the day: I think I'll go ahead and give this one to myself. I keep repeating the LB Leaf joke to everyone I see......they usually look at me like I'm retarded.

The BEST NEWS EVER!!!!!!!

Okay..so this week has been pretty blah so far...that is until I heard the BIG NEWS. According to Yahoo! News (the best news source on the planet) Womens waistlines are creeping back up!!!! YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!! I've been complaining about low-riders for who knows how long. Call me style-retarded, call me Old Fashioned but whatever you do don't call me "the girls whos ass-crack hangs out of her pants." How did pants start riding so low in the first place??? I mean, it all happened so fast. Out with the natural waistlines and in with bikini waxing and thongs placed ever-so-obviously crawlling up your back. Barf!! It's a total faux-pah to have normal underwear hanging out the back, but your actual crevis......no biggie.


watch this!!!
http://www.devilducky.com/media/30138/

Stupid comment of the Day: When Tall K asked me to ask The Opposer if he could borrow 5 bucks.

the Escapades of Captain Flat Top

Well, Captian Flat Top returned on Monday from a week-long work-related sabatacle to our Northerly Neighbor, CANADA!!!!
It looks like he had a pretty good time! Judge for yourself. Click photos to enlarge!

What tha????

Okay...I know I already blogged once today, but I just encountered something that HAD TO BE BLOGGED. Now as we all know, taking a trip to the ladies room is basically a leap of faith. ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN IN THERE!!! And today something did!!! I figured it would happen what with me going in there every ten minutes.
SO, I go in there about 10 minutes ago, and of course it stinks. A stench that would cause most women to turn and hold it till they get home....but, the forces of nature are stronger than I. So, the bathroom is empty (thank God) and I head over to my favorite stall. i'll refer to it as stall #1. It's the stall closest to the paper towel machine. It's kind of tucked in the corner. It's cozy. I feel safest in stall #1. I look down to do the standard "seat check" and GASP!!!!!!!! The seat has been totally desecrated!!!!!! Someone has peed all over my toilet seat!!!!!!! I'm baffled!!!! Not just by the yellow ooze that is molesting the toilet seat, but the LOCATION of the attack is BLOWING MY MIND!!!!! (see fig.1) The shear mechanics of it!!! How did it get way back there?!?!? Did someone bring a little boy child in there??? (and if so, why didn't they clean it up?) Did one of our gentlemen coworkers get confused and accidentally go into the womans restroom?? (and if so, why didn't he lift the seat??) I suspect this is the handy work of one of the "Hoverers". I imagine that they, while trying to maintain balance and keep their backside atleast a foot away from the seat, stumbled backwards and upon being startled, "let loose" all over the poor toilet.
This is just another piece of evidence that the ONLY REASON that hovering toilets is necesarry is because of the HOVERERS THEMSELVES!!!!!! Just have a seat ladies!!!! Have a seat!!!!!

8 glasses a day

Today I am on a mission. What is that mission you ask? i'm going to drink a whole gallon of water. I've self-diagnosed...myself with dehydration. There are several pros for drinking a whole gallon of water in one day. #1. I rarely drink anything at all and therefore look dried up and dead. This ought to catch me up. #2. Lot's of cardio from getting up and going to the bathroom 100 times. #3. hopefully it will clear up all of this itching that I am suffering from which is either the result of dry skin or I'm growing a wicked patch of chest hair. #4. drinking alot of water helps you lose weight.
There are however a few cons that go along with drinking a gallon of water. #1. Having to stop what you're doing to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes is not only extremly inconvenient, but the chance of having an awkward bathroom run in jumps up ATLEAST 50%. #2. All of the handwashing is really making my hands dry and chapped....hopefully I am protecting myself by drinking all the water. #3. The water I bought tastes like crap.
So....will Mission H2O be all for not??? I suppose the scales will tell tommorow.

UPDATE: The What will from now on be referred to as Bargin Betty.

Also, it's been decided that Lemonhead should find himself a nice little internet girlfriend. I think it should either be someone really bossy and demanding (opposites attract you know) or someone who is so sweet and timid that she makes LH look like a facist Dictator. Look out for updates!!!


BIG FAT JERK OF THE DAY:
No surprise. Little Boss and Lemonhead wouldn't go to the movies with Me and Bargin Betty. I just wanted to do something as a family, but Nooooooooooooooooo. See if I EVER ask you guys to do anything special for the Rest of THE DAY!!!!!

OH WAIT!!!! I guess we can add The Etiquater to that list also. Hey, let me ask you something, Isn't it considered POOR ETIQUATE to decline an invitation???? i guess you did it as politely as possible though.

fish fried chicken

Well, today, Lemonhead and I went out to eat with one of our Vendors who shall be refered to as Tall K. Tall K and I had the special: Chicken Fried Chicken w/ mashed potatoes and corn. They totally used fish batter though. But it was smothered in gravy, so of course I ate it.....all. Now i feel like a sea cow.
Speaking of Lemonhead, today he not only drank out of Nikole's (who shall be hereto referred to as The What) water bottle, but he also ate a piece of candy that she had already bitten off of. They're relationship is moving at an alarming rate. It took me 5 or 6 months to get Lemonhead to drink out of my soda!!!! WHATS NEXT Lemonhead!!!! If WHAT has something on her face are you gonna spit in a tissue and wipe it off for her????? Gross. Let's keep it professional kids.
Speaking of Gross, today in our Bi-Weekly m...mu....(gag) meeting, there were some little odd chocolates that VP of PUS brought in....green tea stuffed chocolates and chocolate covered sunflowered seeds. Ummmm..... Just becasue you cover it in chocolate, does NOT make it candy. chocolate is not meant for everything. May we never forget the Chocolate Chili incident.....ALTHOUGH, I can say that Chocolate Gravy over butter-smothered biscuts DOES WORK.

Stupid comment of the day: Alas, I must take it today for when I said to Captin Flat-Top "Hey, boss, how they hanging??
among other things. I was kind of on a roll today.

Time to Blog

Well DCS lovers. After a brief sabbatical, I'm back and ready to blog. NiKole* and Lemonhead are moving desks today under the supervision of the Ruiner. They will now be sandwiched up against eachother, but atleast it's better than sitting under the watchfull eagle eyes of little boss. (I'm not saying that he is physically little, He's just little in rank compared to the big boss, Flat-Top. )
In other news. I'm fat. I can no longer hide under the cloak of "average" or "curvey". I have offically crossed the line into "fat tub of lard". What's a girl to do??? If only there was a pill for will power. Or a pill that made everything you ate taste like fish or giant Walnut Cookies from that weird chinese place that Lemonhead and the Etiquater are always going to with the opposer. I'd have no problem not eating.
Also, we were looking at our chinese astrology charts today and aparently i'm a total annoying flake, little boss is a perv and only uses people, Nikole* is hateful social butterfly , and Lemonhead is a ferocious tiger that will eat anyone in his path, he is NOT the sweet little kitten he appears to be. DO NOT TRUST HIM, Don't make fun of him either. he might start crying...at work and then he'll get fired. Okay. my fingers hurt.

Stupid comment of the day goes to: The Etiquater. The Etiquater has not said a word all day. Silence DOES NOT save you from the stupid comment of the day. I'm making an example of her.

* names may or may have not been changed to protect the so-called innocent

Well, I think we can all agree that yesterday sucked. Except when we got to eat a giant piece of cake. That part was good. OH and I had taco bell for dinner, so that cheered me up a bit also.
In the romance department, I think there may be a little love triangle forming between Jason myself and my friend Rachel. But maybe it's all in my head. I'm to busy to be writing in this thing.

Unwarrented Rejection of the day: When Lemonhead asked a pretty girl if her friends were buying her a drink, to which she promptly replied "No thanks. I can buy my own drink." OUCH!!!!!!!

hand and foot

SO, I'm at my parents house and haven't done a thing except eat constantly (curried chicken cassarole!!!!! Jealous Jason???) and play cards with my mom...(a great game called hand in foot). Now we're going to go to the pool which I totally wasn't prepared for, SOOOO you know what that means!!! I'll me wearing one of my mother's swimsuits (from Talbots I'm sure). I hope nobody tries to hit on me!!!! Later we'll be going shopping so I'm sure I'll end up with a bunch of old lady clothes that I let my mother buy me after going 10 rounds on what is "cool" for 25 year olds to wear.
THis is what I predict you guys are all doing right now at 11:45 am on Saturday:
Jason...is still asleep (his mouth is probably hinged wide open whilst he drools all over his pillow and flies circle around the stench)
Chris...is probably mowing someone elses lawn or doing dishes or some other domestic chore
AJ...IS FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW and poor little Ben is absorbing all of her wrath.
Joe...Is marinating meat for his bar-b-q or cleaning up dishes from his Pancake breakfast (what kind did you make this time JOe???)
Denny..is painting of course and listening to the Grateful Dead (I bet Jason did that last night, if you kow what I mean)
Richard....Richard and Monica will be having breakfast until 2 o'clock
John....is probably watching a foreign news channel bash on the US Hurricane Situation so he can build up his arguments..(he will probably disagree with this)
Andrew...I have no clue what you're doing

did anyone notice

that my profile name is the Interpreter-not the InterUpter??

sigh........swoon

Well, all, I just got back from my "date" which turned out to be a date pretty much. The movie was absolutely TERRIBLE. It didn't make one bit of sense, even for a fantasy movie, but Heath Ledger is always h-o-t-t so, I dealt with it. Jason didn't make a move or yawn at all the whole time....ofcourse that's probably because I kept my hands securely tucked away between my legs.
After the movie the four of us headed on over to Friday's like good little suburbanites and had a drink....well, they had water, i had 2 sips of a bloody mary that made my nose run like a river (which jason paid for). I didn't get anything to eat though, cause I freaked out on my way home from work and pigged out on taco bell (this is a whole other story entirely!!! Don't let me forget to tell it)cause I hadn't eaten anything except 2 Red Bulls and that incredible pumkin muffin....oooo. I think I'm hungry again. So I spent the rest of the night feeling like I weighed 200 lbs (ooo, sorry Joe) and PRAYING that I wouln't have a DA.
The only awkward moment of the night was when he took me back to my car. Instead of just dropping me off he pulled into a parking spot across the aisle. I pretty much hopped right out though. I WAS SOOOO TIRED. So then I felt bad, cause that probably really confused him.........so I called him and we talked on the phone for an hour. To sum it up: He's a great guy.....BUT we'll see. I'll probably go out with him again...I mean HANG OUT with him again. Have good weekends all. GOOD LUCK AJ!!!! xoxoxo

diarreah brown

Once again, democracy has reared it's ugly head here at Design and Creative Services Headquarters. It burned me once with the selection of "Cress Green" for our walls. I don't like it. But I was granted an opportunity to take that lemon and make some lemonade by painting the doors orange...-but no. Lets make diarreah instead. The vote went to Chris's selection (ofcourse), a shade of Brow-en that can only be described with the word Putrid. I guess it will keep my creative juices "running".

Stupid comment of the day: When John (the Opposer) stated that "a woman should pay for dinner the second date."